Part One

I think it's almost become a habit whereby I always read Jon and Christina's blog first before actually deciding to come up with a new post myself. Regardless, it was pretty odd to see the issue of dying being brought up, simply because it's been hanging in my head too for a while now...

Being in Form Six (upper) this year, the class that I'm in is different from the rest in that it's situated on ground floor away from the other classes which are on the highest floor. The reason? One of the students in our class was afflicted with a heart disease, rendering it difficult for her to climb the flights of stairs (I mean, going up four floors with the brick-laden school bag ain't very fun for me either). She's somewhat frail-looking and from the look of her eyes you could tell that she was weak.

Just so you'd know, I was actually shifted to my current class from my original Biology class because there were too many people. Like, almost 50 on the first day of school. So this year, I had to be separated from my classmates whom I had gotten to know over the last six months. Along with 10 others who were so unfortunate as to have registered a bit later than the rest of my classmates who retained.

Now some of my friends weren't too cool bout the matter, and rightly so because the ground floor classes were super-duper noisy, but you can't possibly fault her (my sick friend,and let's just call her A cause she's an A student) for being born with the sickness. And never would I have imagined that the so-called heart disease would rob her of her life..yeah, if you noticed I used past tense earlier.
Apparently, the parents knew she wasn't gonna live for much longer. The doctors already predicted that she would only live for a certain number of years..and from what I heard, she and her family managed to spend some good quality time together. The most ironic thing though was that she passed away DURING the school holidays last week. So you could imagine me being told on Monday "eh, you know that A died right?"...No way?!?!

When I thought about it, I wondered how it was like to be in her shoes. In Jon's case it's a feeling, a premonition, but her death sentence had been waiting all the while..to live with the thought of possibly not being able to see the next day, what motivation was there for her to have remained strong? If you had asked me, I don't think I'd even want to ever fall asleep..she was a top student, and the only reason I could think of for her to have worked so hard was to make her parents happy..and I wonder what would happen to her, since she's not a Christian. For people like her who had only known suffering, what would God's verdict be? At times like this, I can only fall back on the righteousness of God and trust him to judge accordingly...

Nobody likes dying I'd assume, save for those who hate their lives and everything else to death..but I think it's safe to say that for most of us it's not a very great thing because of the security that we are shelled in..our parents, our friends, our relatively peaceful country..die? Nah...I'd sooner hit a jackpot, I can hear you say. Right.

-And since I run the risk of over-lengthening the blog, I'd save the rest for Part Two. Later then :D-

Here Goes Nothing

Breathe in....sigh~ It's actually already pretty late at night, and tomorrow being a school day I know too well that I should be in my bed by now but having read Christina's blog, and then Jon Tan's blog, I couldn't help but to try to pen down a little of what ran through my mind....

First and foremost, to be honest I was so totally disturbed by the fact that Christina actually drove a REAL CAR on the REAL STREETS of Subang. I was so disturbed. More than that, I was appalled. Worried sick. It drove me nuts (pun not intended) to see the danger that she was putting herself into, and that was the least of my worries. What if she was so unlucky as to meet an accident? Never mind the fact that she would be prosecuted under juvenile law, I cannot imagine if anyone were to be injured, or worse still : die. Christina, should you be reading this, I'm really sorry to sound like some holier-than-thou police officer, but I voiced this out of concern. Out of fear. Thank God that you got back home safe that day. Should you now feel that I've overstepped my boundaries as a friend, I can only apologize but my stand and my statement stays the way it is. Please be careful the next time, Christina..

Shifting the focus from our Miss C, Jon's recent post Friends for Christ? did give me some food for thought. I too, didn't think that you would see yourself as almost the same, if not identical to that 'periphery guy' who doesn't belong to the group, Jon. To be without friends isn't what most people would've thought about you, I guess. But I just want to say that, you had been, and still are, a fantastic friend to me, Jon. In the absence of a brother whom I can closely relate to, I really appreciate the fellowship and friendship that you've afforded me. I don't really know why, but I had suddenly felt the need to say so..somehow it didn't feel right to just let the matter drop like that.

Perhaps it is the very same burden in my heart that I experienced while in National Service that pressed me into writing this post. My heart stirred, and it wasn't exactly the most comfortable feeling. Thinking I might be genuinely concerned with how you two have troubled hearts, I wrote exactly what I had in mind, which explains the different tone of this post. But then again, it could also very well be that I myself tengah syok sendiri only..and to put it in the bluntest manner, like to jaga tepi kain orang.

Haih, now even I am emo liao...is it infectious or something?

(the very next day) Can't believe I actually managed to write such an odd-sounding post myself. Maybe I should avoid posting while under the influence of sleepiness....sigh~