Answered

It's all too easy to bury yourself in doubt, to try and grab with your own small hands the huge clusters of uncertainties that follow us all the time in the name of living a life here on humble earth...

True, I was pretty annoyed and unhappy over how I failed my first round of driving exam. I failed before even actually hitting the real tarmacs. But the things that took place, the happenings that happened and the stuff that went on while I fast-forwarded my life to the following exam two weeks later only seemed to say one thing: who are you of little faith to question the way of the LORD?

I certainly had a good dose of surprises lately: The LORD opened new and totally unexpected doors. I was roped in for Parents' Appreciation Night. A friend came back from the faraway fields of America. I'm doing my quiet time more often (but still never enough of course). I passed my driving exam. Oh wait, sorry bout that. I PASSED MY DRIVING EXAM!!!!

Headed over to the driving school at the crack of dawn today, to see the faces of the instructors and examiners there again. To sit and frolic in the cloud of smoke (cigarette and automobile). To chat with fellow 'also-failed-road-test' friends.

I prayed did pray quite earnestly for this, because I didn't want to burn anymore cash on retaking the exams...it's bad enough that they force you waste a whole entire day there. And how the LORD answered....

Comparatively speaking, I certainly enjoyed this revisit to the driving school a lot more...being there for the second time kinda makes you feel like you're a pro I guess, haha. I knew what I had to do this time... I sat in the first row of chairs while waiting for their registration counter to open. And I was the first person to register. Muahaha~

So far so good, I went to wait for my turn at the road-test area. Having two friends around to chit-chat with sure made a lot of difference, even though I only knew them two weeks ago xD Thanks Elaine and Ian for the company! By the time I had registered, it was about 8.30 plus. They had about five or six JPJ instructors today, and each instructor took examinees in stacks of seven or more. I was at the top of one of those stacks. And off I went at 9.00, probably one of the first to take to the roads today :D

This time around, the handbrake took a backseat and there were no mati-enjin fiascoes to be had, fortunately :) Along the route, everything was smooth-sailing and I certainly could feel that God was with me all the way......I'm really thankful that He answered my prayers so perfectly, He never ceases to amaze me. Back at the driving school fifteen minutes later, the JPJ officer gave me a nice and cozy 17/20 to take back home. Not Hamis Lewilton or anything of that sort yet, that's for sure but it more than sufficed for me (^.^)

But all these when set against a backdrop of constantly turning away from God, constantly shutting him out from the things that I do....I know I'm at a crossroad of sorts spiritually. I either buck up, or I'll just end up pulling up sooner or later. Rest assured though, I'm not quite gonna give in just yet ;D In fact, the fight's just only begun...

To Be A Friend

Church camp's over and done, but since I have no photos yet I'd save the post for later..

It never fails to surprise me how most of the time we only know a teeny-weeny bit of a person. And I do mean, a teeny-weeny bit...

Whenever I find myself in a conversation, the thing that I always hope to avoid is to have a person tell you that there's something going on with them but when pressed a little further they serve you with "Oh, it's nothing lah." Don't take me wrongly here, it's not that I'd be angry with the person or anything, but rather I kinda feel dissatisfied with myself whenever I hit that sort of dead end in a conversation. Of course, it's understandable that you don't go around telling people that you have a pimple on your backside or anything of that sort, but to me it makes me feel that the person who's keeping a secret (let's say it's not a ridiculous pimple-on-the-backside one but rather something more serious and personal) doesn't trust me enough. This would of course be because I don't that person well enough. Which actually means to say that I did not make enough effort to know that person better. Which is not very nice, because I really prefer deeper-level friendships and not just being acquaintances..

Lately the question came about and made me wonder: what kind of a friend am I to the others around me?

Now I believe that my natural personality is more introverted and I'd happily be an island every now and then, but I know that I also enjoy being in the position to bless those of you out there whom I have the privilege to call 'friends' either in big or minor ways. But opportunities to help your friends largely depend on how much you know about them. And when I find that I know so little about someone, it would seem like almost insulting to even offer any sort of help...

I can only imagine what it's like to know someone through and through, to feel the hurt and share the pain, to cry the tears and laugh the joys. Everyone has their own ugly side and closet of skeletons, and being such a friend would surely take a lot of love and patience, but it also means that you are in the best possible position to render help whenever necessary. You would know what's gonna work and wouldn't, you would say only the right things and never fear offending that friend with the wrong choice of words, you would know how best to serve the needs of that friend.

And how profound it is, when the Lord sees me as that friend.

He knows me like the back of His hand, he shares with my thoughts and listens to my cries, He knows exactly the best way to help me sail through the troubles that find their way to the fragile hull of my soul. He sees me for all the worst things that I am, but never once said He would take leave. He is the one who cares to care, and I am that friend who cannot be any more grateful than to call Jesus as Saviour AND a true blue best of the very best friend!

Wonder if I woule ever have the privilege to be the kind of intimate friend to others in the way that Jesus is to me...

On a side note, all the Blind Zorro and Sorrow the sister stuff must've gotten into my head, because the only thing I did after getting back home was to draw this..

I must've spent close to four hours on this...better go hit the bed now :D

Liberacion!

16th of May is traditionally celebrated as Teacher's Day here in Malaysia and other parts of the world (I think) and it so happened that I had the chance to end my teaching stint at SMK USJ 13 on this very meaningful day too :D

Having worked for close to 2 months, teaching's a bittersweet experience I must say..bitter when you get students who couldn't give a care whether you were in the class, but sweet it is when you have students whom you can get along with and be sort of a friend to.

I've had my fair share of hits and misses along the way in the last 40 days I signed on to the job of a 'temporary replacement teacher' and now I'm free again to squander my living daylights for the next month or so..it won't be long before I post again about how boring it is to have nothing to do I feel :D

Goodbye SMK USJ 13..


Goodbye Doctor Brand chalk...


Goodbye pile of books that never seem to go away....


Goodbye to all you young ones who still have to slug it out for exams.....



It's been a great experience, I'd be sure to take the time to really think about all the things that I had learned from this job..something tells me I'd miss that Pas Keluar ;D

Ger-de-bum

That, my friends, is the sound of disappointment....

Today I had finally went for my driving test and while I wasn't very fond of driving I certainly didn't mind getting myself a P license to drive around. Off I went in the early morning, and I cannot imagine how they can force you to wait the whole entire day just for a 5 minutes exam...

My first test was the practical driving, and they sure took a long time to handle their paperwork and stuff, because it wasn't until 12 plus that my turn came around. I had been there since 7.30, and waiting for 5 hours without having anything to do (I brought an MP3 player but foolishly left the headphones at home) left me somewhat half-dead. Brain-dead. I'm saying that because I failed the practical driving test in a glorious 2-minutes time frame from the moment I got into the car...

Here's the breakdown:-
-enter car
-check mirror
-check seat
-check wiper
-check signals
-check gear engagement
-check whatever else there were to check

"Boleh jalan encik?" ------"Boleh~"

Floored the clutch, swapped to gear one, pressed the accelerator and *ger-de-bum*

Finger pointing at the raised handbrake, "Dua chance lagi." Right. Okay. Come on man, 2 minutes and the car is stalled already...

Dropped the stupid, STUPID handbrake then restarted the car. Turned the ignition key and *ger-de-bum* I had left the gear in gear one from just now, much to my unfortunate forgetfulness...

""Uh-hem, satu chance lagi" he said worriedly. "Boleh ke ni?" was exactly how bad his first impressions of my driving un-skills were...

Drove a bit, made a U-turn and just when I was gonna exit the driving school, he squashed the parallel brake and made my car stall. "You sudah over itu white line lah." "Hah? Tapi saya nampak lagi white line itu?" "Sudah....." And that wrapped it all up into the three-mati-enjins exit concert that I was given after having waited the whole day sitting on the benches trying to maintain my sanity.....bah.

At the very least I did manage to pass the slope and parking tests I suppose...I've got two more weeks to prepare myself and get there again into that darn driving school, and hopefully this time I'd remember to be more careful with the handbrakes...

The Department Of Psychology

Letters letters letters...I've been getting a few lately, but one letter came in as a surprise. It was marked with the insignia of The Star at the top left corner at the front.

"Oh, I'm called for interview!", I exclaimed to myself half-surprised.

*rips open the letter* Dear bla bla bla, you have been called for yada yada at the following ABCDE and please bring along your this and that and everything else. Great.

The Star Scholarship, as offered by the company every year allows you to choose any university and course of your liking (in a long list they provide you) so long as you qualify for the said course. I ran through the list and it took me no more than 5 minutes to narrow my selection down to a handful of courses that I can qualify for. From that list, I gave it another quick run-through and in the end I penned down the following: Degree in Psychology from Sunway University College. Yeap. It was a 'since I won't qualify just simply only lah' kind of decision..

So when the letter came, it was a half-surprise. Half. I did expect qualifying for it but didn't think I would quite get it...

The interview took place at the Department of Psychology's labs, and I was actually late, late for it. Not too late, but as the woman at the Info Centre would say, "normally people would come a bit earlier for interviews." Of COURSE...even more peculiar was the fact that I was the only guy out of the dozen or so people who took the interview. Hmmm...

I think I fared pretty well for the interview, but the part that undid my brilliant efforts in the initial part of the interview was the last question that the interviewers (three of them) posed to me: "So, tell us what you know about what we do here in the Department Of Psychology."

*blankstare*...........................................*blanklook*

"To be honest, I didn't do my homework on that."

*pokerface expression* "Okay." *ticks something*

And that was the end of it. Really had no idea what the interviewer ticked on the paper, could've been 'Stupid' or 'Honest' for all I know but they also said "Good" at some point, so I don't know if I could offset the blunder with my earlier responses to their questions, which I thought were pretty okay. On the whole the experience was pretty kan-cheong and all, even though I told myself that it doesn't matter how well I do it because it's in the LORD's hands. I mean, these are Psychologists you're dealing with...and it doesn't help that I have this impression that psychologists can worm their ways into your psyche and then come back out in the span of a short 5-minutes conversation without you even realizing it. Regardless of whether that's nonsense or not, it left me pretty twitched, having to wait in the guest area of the laboratory (I came last, so I was the last to be interviewed) for almost two hours before they called me up.

They said they would let me know of the result in about a week...until then, I'd probably take the time to read up on what they do there in that department of theirs :)

Hey Man, How Have You Been Doing?

Most of us RBS-ers would've gotten the send-to-your-future-self letters that we were asked to write at the very end of RBS. I wrote one myself of course, and had been waiting for it for some time, and had almost forgotten about it until it came in the mail for me today.

The title of this post was the opening line of the letter that I had penned on the 31st of January. It wasn't long, didn't say much, but it's surprising to see that I kinda foresaw where I would end up post-RBS and sadly, many of the things which I had hoped whilst still in RBS that they would take a turn for the better in the months after leaving Uncle Dexter and company did not, or more optimistically, have not.

The letter was a nudge-poke of sorts that I had written in the hopes of keeping myself in check..and kept me in check it has. I forgot that at RBS God had showed me so much more than I had asked for, I left in the lurch the many spiritual discoveries that had struck me, I laid aside the promises that I vowed to keep.

Without even so much as to do anything, I've let 3 months slip by since the end of RBS. It's time, time to re-examine, and to take a good look again at where I am now. I need to make sure that I'm still on track, and while we're at it, I'd much prefer to be on the right track ;D

I've got a few things on my hands now, with Sunway being one of them tomorrow...I hope it's not as 'goreng' as it was the last time I had to meet those representatives from The Star...full report about it tomorrow kay ;D

How Can I Stand Here And Not Be Moved By You

In the book of Job, he lamented that he had done no wrong to deserve the woe that had befallen him. He lost his family, his wealth, his friends, his dignity and practically everything else that could be taken away from him. Many times he had wanted to plead his case with God, to put it into argument, to find out just exactly why he had been treated so unjustly and unfairly. He cursed the day he was born, understandably because he simply could not take it anymore, living in suffering and, most importantly, seemingly separated from the presence of God.

It's ironic though, because I find myself being the anti-Job, in the way that I am convinced I had done more than enough wrong to condemn my soul to eternal death, and yet the LORD would never cease to lend a hand to raise me up time and again. At the risk of being self-righteous, I question why the LORD wouldn't just send down a rain of sulphur, annihilate me from the face of earth and just get it over and done with, and move on to another more 'worthy' soul. And it's funny how I can say that, because it puts me in a 'holier-than-God' position...For all it's worth, God's love is more than any soul can fathom, more than any computer can compute, more than any ruler can measure. I can only thank Him that He first loved me.

How can I stand here and not be moved by You...