Grow

Can't quite put the thoughts down in type, but I'm getting more and more of that odd vibe that I need to....'reinvent' myself, to borrow the term from economic-speak. Or more like, 'rebrand' myself. Or wait, maybe not. Bah.

The areas where I fail, the times when I regret...I know I'm at the crossroads already. I either keep up what I'm doing and perish, or I make the real efforts to change. The more I fall, the more I feel hurt and disenchanted with the idea of even bothering to try, but I learn to pick up myself better also along the way.

Okay, so in the end I've said nothing, but I just wanted to post about what's been twirling in my head for some time now.

More Information to be Googled

6 things I'm passionate about:
1) Computers
It's an obsessive-compulsive thing I guess, I just can't stand a PC that isn't properly taken care of. A PC should be well-oiled, well-maintained and well-tuned, so that it can run to its best potential. I can't write programs and I can't do any physical modifications like adding jet-exhausts and stuff, but give me any PC or laptop with a problem (Internet not working, sound not working, programs can't start, virus/malware/spyware/I-don't-know-ware) and I shall not rest until the problems are solved and resolved.

2) Technology
I like reading about gadgetry that I'll never own, for some reasons. I can read a DSLR magazine just for the sake of reading, without even knowing my aperture from my shutter speed to begin with. MP3 players, Blu-ray Discs, WiFi, Solid State Hard Drives, LED-Backlit LCD Displays, bla bla bla and everything else you can find related to consumer technology would nicely find a place as my preferred reading material (although I don't actively look for things to read).

3) Mission Work
I'm not sure if I would be involved in full-time missions in the near future, but I appreciate the work put in by missionaries and if I'm not one then I would at least want to be part of the 'senders' and contribute in other ways. But of course, the more I think about it the more I have to question my own involvement in missions work, or the lack of it to be more exact. Makes me think about how I'm being more and more attached to what the world has to offer, when there are so many other things that can be done, so many areas that I can serve in.

4) Malaysia
To me, Malaysia is my country, and it's nothing to do with National Service, so no indoctrination symptoms here :D I like Malaysia, I like the races here. Can we for once put aside the racial slurs, the racial prejudice and racial nonsense? Why are we still struggling for that 'one country, one citizen' notion even after half a century? It's sad to see that the generation running the country now are still talking about 'their own people' only. Most discouraging is the mentality of 'Malaysia as My Temporary Home', with foreign citizenship in one hand and luggage in the other, ready to flee when 'the time comes', so to speak.

5) Environment
Yeap yeap, better a tree than a plastic neon-coloured decoration any day. Littering is what miffs me the most, when nice rivers are clogged with rubbish, and also bits of brains that people must've thrown out along with the trash. In Malaysia the environment is seriously underrated, with forest reserves being shaved to make way for small decorative shrubs just so there's money to be made. The environmental movement in Malaysia is still slow, and the government really should push to protect the green heritage that we have around us. Of course, the headlines would tell you that they're currently too busy for that..

6) Others
I realised that I can sometimes be passionate towards certain people that I come across. Please don't get the idea that I'm talking about girls, I meant to say that sometimes I'm drawn to keep in touch more with a particular person just to see if there's anything I can do to help out. Wish I could be more rajin in this respect though.


6 books I read(ing) recently:
1) The Bible
You can't stop reading this for too long without going over the cliff, I realised :)

2) Christian Psychology's War on God's Word
Tough book to chew on, and rightly so because I've not touched it for a while since borrowing it from the church library. I think I should try to finish it some time. Great insights on how psychology theories and God's principles compare with one another.


6 songs I can listen to over and over again:
1) Carrie Underwood - Lessons Learned
I like how the lyrics paint a good picture out of all the mistakes that we could possibly make, it's a lesson learned to have known that we did something wrong.

2) The Corrs - Summer Sunshine
I just like the tune :D

3) New Found Glory - Kiss Me
Brilliant song here, love how they made the classic song their own.

4) Juwita Suwito - Only In The Dark
It's only in our times of need that we hear the promptings of the LORD, "only in the dark when I can't seem to see, I'll learn to hear your whisper that's been guiding me".

5) Shannon Noll - Shine
The intro alone is worth listening to over and over again, haha.

6) Sara Bareilles - Love Song
Again, the intro is the best thing to get you started on a drive.


6 things I learnt this past year:
1) God loves me, has always loved me, will always love me, no matter I do, or don't do. That is truth.

2) The harder decisions to make, are more often than not, the right ones.

3) Investing in relationships still yields the best returns.

4) I can be here and dead tomorrow, it's God's call and who am I to think that I 'tomorrow never dies'?

5) I've got to move on from the rut that I'm in, and grow up.

6) I've really got a long way to go in terms of spiritual maturity, still so many areas that I could work on.

6 valuable things I own:
1) My life. Stripped of everything else, it's just me and God, and I thank you LORD for having brought me where I am today.

2) My family and my home. My family's not perfect, and I'll never want that anyway because it's already the best one that I could ever ask for. The house is only rented, but it's home enough for me, and comfortable by all means :)

3) Friends and cousins - Coming here and making so many new friends those few years ago was certainly one of the better things to have happened to me :)

4) Provision - God will provide for me and my family one way or another, and I still don't have any reasons as of now to doubt Him.

5) Adeline - My lappie of course, not a person, although that would've been err...nice :D Most expensive thing I ever asked from my parents, at almost twice the price tag of an ordinary low-end laptop. Don't know why I picked something so expensive, but I was kinda picky with the specifications I guess. You better serve me faithfully for another decade, Adeline! xD

6) Creative ZEN - Most expensive birthday gift here. Nice to have a mini photo-album movie viewer MP3 machine around, especially when it's free :D

In Death There's Value

A remark that stuck with me for while now is that 'You guys are lucky because you've not really experienced the loss of a close one'.

The closest person that I could think of whom I had 'lost' would probably be my grandfather, whom I was only moderately close with.

The ironic thing with death, I think, is how the person who dies suffers the least. Sure, you can die the most excruciating death (by electric chair or firing squad or electric squad or firing chair or...), and writhe in all the pain and agony, but death cuts deepest into the hearts of those who knew you, those who loved you. Emotional scars that go unnoticed and wrenching of the heart that goes on indefinitely...

But as I pondered the other day, it's only when you take a look at death that you can find value in the things that really matter. Life is so precarious, and dying is really not that hard a feat to accomplish, admittedly. Have you ever imagined yourself dead, or dying, and thinking of who would be there to see you at your deathbed? I have. I do. (I'm typing on a wooden table, :D)

When I think about the undeniable fact that life here on the mortal plane is only as long as the LORD wills it, then the implication of it is that at any and every single moment, there is a possibility of me going six feet under.

Perhaps people should think about death more. We always stop short at saying anything 'unlucky' about ourselves, and utter the famous wood phrase. But really, it is in death that the value of everything that you ever thought you had comes into examination. Money's the last thing you'd want to keep, for sure. Your car? Nope. Your three-storey terrace? Can't be buried with you. In fact, everything that you are, and have, on this world stays with this world. I'd like to not have lived and died just knowing that I had a successful business. I'd want to know that I had lived a good life of time spent investing on other people, in building relationships and in sharing hardships. I'd want to avoid taking for granted the fact that I am alive and breathing. I'd like to say, before I die, that 'it's been great knowing you guys' :)

In death there's value.

Do you see them? Do you see the things of value to you?

What matters enough to you to outshine even the consuming fire of death?

Sleeping at 4 in the morning

Tomorrow shall be a short day for me...oh well. At least I finished this, haha.

Alamak, Blimey!

Last week, I took the invitation to go up to Fraser's for a short two-days holiday of sorts, with a pretty rag-tag bunch of people. I had assignments in mind, and there were some other appointments with other friends to manage. So quite a few times I had wanted to just pull out and stay at home instead, but I tagged along in the end, and yes, I made the right choice indeed :)

I had the impression that there really isn't much that you can do in Fraser's. And I still think so. Clearly there's only so much flora to see, and so much strolling you can do. But the X factor in the trip, or any trip to anywhere for that matter; was clearly the company. I didn't think much of the combination of Elena, Jon and Ann together, since they're the Footstool bunch so to speak and I'm the odd one out joining the trip. Until the three of them started poking at each other of course xD At almost every turn and corner, there were plenty of smiles exchanged, laughs traded and jokes shared. I certainly didn't sign myself up for so much entertainment, hahaha.

Once we got to the Gap house and were on our way up, the familiar cold mountain breeze came in through the windows, and even though it's not the first time I've been up these highlands, there's just nothing quite like leaving all that uncouth 'civilisation' behind and soaking up the refreshing misty air. Forget Genting, Fraser's is the place to be to chill and relax (I'm not gonna use that combination word, thank you).

For some reasons, when you're up there, you seem to subscribe to a different time-space continuum. Time moves a whole lot slower and you'll feel like you're entirely removed from the cities just down below (Point proven when Ann said "When you get back to Malaysia....."). It sounds like escapism and hints at 'I-don't-wanna-face-my-troubles-so-I'm-just-gonna-run-away' attitudes but it was really more like...slowing down. Lowering the external noise. 3 days without the Internet proved to be a great puasa of sorts, like how fasting can give your stomach a rest. With our minds off Facebook, there were plenty of real interaction and 'poking' going around. Wall-to-wall comments were face-to-face for a change, and yes, it sure beats having your conversation indexed by the search engine and end up being searched by others xD

I had fun. I really did. Thank you so much Ann Choo for the apartment, the chit-chats, the food and the great tours around Buona Vista :D

Thank you so much Jon Tan for the comfortable (well, mostly) ride up and down and all over Fraser's and for the steamboat, great fun having it so high up in the hills xD

Thank you so much Elena, for all the comic relief and entertainment provided. Twiggies on me, hahahaha.

And thank you so much guys, for inviting me along for the trip. Best three days spent in Fraser's since the committee retreat, definitely.

If Jon had smiled this would be the perfect photo to end the post with...oh well :)

*A huge apology to all the people that I had to ditch in the last minute because of the extended stay in Fraser's.*

*For more pics, take a look at Elena's Fraser's Trip Pics*

Presents and Blessings Abound

Already, it's now October. What a year 2008 has been for me, simply amazing and unbelievable in so many ways. From RBS to entering university, this year I've definitely received more than my fair share of blessings and provision from Him. Every time I think about all the things that I had done this year, the friends I made the gifts I received and the things I've managed to do; I am simply awestruck at how the LORD made sure I was never left wanting, despite all the times that I sidetracked or even backtracked from my spritual walk.

Okay, so it's not quite the 31st of December yet, but I just wanted to do a short recap of some of the gifts that I received for my birthday, so here it goes :D


Tada! This was taken on the day they handed out the certificates for the The Star Education Fund recipients, of which I am one of them :) I truly had no idea what was in store for me after STPM was over and done with, but along came the surprise that I, the one who recklessly said "I don't know" to one of the interviewers' questions; was chosen to pursue a degree in Psychology at Sunway University College. Even more surprising was how my application for the local universities came back with my first choice, something that the dudes at the education department seldom give out. In the end I made the choice to go for Sunway, and it has not been easy adjusting to how universitiy education works but it's certainly been a wonderful blessing to have the opportunity to study there.


TWO presents from the ever-generous Mr. Lim who came back a few months earlier from Texas for his holidays. The first one on top literally got me into a stupor of sorts because it was supposed to be a 'random present'. Uh...the thing is that my old mp3 player disappeared on my way back from Bethany Home when I went up there for a visit a few months ago. Mr.Lim then kindly thought of getting me a brand new device, complete with 8 times the storage space, a nice shiny display and brilliant sound quality. But to me, it was the single most expensive present I've received, and quite shocking it was I would say. *oh no, what the heck am I gonna have to get for him?!?!* Still, I really really appreciate the gift, and the beautiful player has been my faithful in-car entertainment wonderbox ever since.

For the controller, it was also incredibly thoughtful of Mr.Lim to get me an original PS2 analog pad to replace my age-old PS1 joystick which is now bruised and seasoned. But it's too nice for me to even want to take it out of the box, so it's still in the box now xD I probably won't want to use it until my PS1 controller explodes or something, haha.


That's me in a nice and comfortable brand-new just-arrived last month Wild Channel hoodie from Aunty Choi Chew :D Many thanks to her concern about powerful air-conditioners in Sunway, and for bringing me all the way to Subang Parade to shop for it! Lectures are no longer the chill-fest they used to be, and this would certainly be brilliant for exam halls.


Over here, last but not least; is a Solvi Titus spectacle frame from the mother of a friend in Kuantan. Always wanted a plastic frame for sports or general rough use, although the problem was that I never looked good in any sort of plastic frame. Unfortunately I've not had the frame fitted with optometric glass yet, so it's still sitting there in the box on my table. Better go and get it fitted soon...

And there you have it, a quick run-down of some of my newly-acquired :) I wouldn't mind of course if there's more to come still this year, heh.