Thoughts

I remember the days when I used to daydream a lot, perhaps when I was around 12 or 13 years old. Getting into the car usually meant looking out at the streets and appearing to 'zone out'. I wasn't zoning out of course, but rather engaging in examining random thoughts (which is why until today I'm so bad with directions I guess: I simply never really paid attention to the roads and buildings and signs). I can't recall anything specific that I always 'daydreamed' about, but for the most part I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the process of thinking, as well as thinking about thinking.

The 21-years-old me still likes to 'daydream', but lately I realised that actually a lot of things had changed and the Internet, I believe, is the underlying cause of these changes. Daydreaming now is no longer productive in ways that it used to be. The depth of my thoughts is seemingly getting shallower and shallower. It's almost as though my attention span is so short now that it is affecting even the conversations that take place between me and myself. I can't pay attention to myself long enough anymore to truly ponder and think about...things. Anything. Everything.

I blame the Internet because...well actually, I can't give any concrete reasons. But the Internet works in such a way that in-depth information processing is usually eschewed in favor of quick and broad scans, or 'skimming'. And so it is with the thinking style that I have come to adopt. Everything that crosses my mind now is simply 'skimmed' and glossed over. Decisions are made on a whim. Actions are taken as I see fit. I have become so shallow in my thinking that the word 'thinking' itself almost does not exist anymore.

If in any way you feel that I'm becoming more and more immature, I sincerely apologize. It's been so long since I used my brain properly. Many a train of thought must have fallen into the ravines over the years, given the increasingly haphazard manner in which I think.

Now if you'll excuse me, I fear I may need to practice 'daydreaming' properly again. I shall have to do a lot more....thinking. Deep thinking, this time.