Thoughts

With hardly a month left to STPM (or SPM with the 'T' as Tina would call it) most of you who are reading my blog now would probably wonder where I find the time to do so. Simon's blog had been eerily quiet, a sure sign that he's been putting more hours into his books lately. So where does that leave me? I'm guessing that most people would be thinking along either of the two extremes below:

a) I'm wonderfully prepared and extremely ready to face whatever those people up at the Examinations Board can cook up, so now I can afford to hang around online more, and hence the quicker blog updates. OR

b) I'm so hopelessly under-prepared that it wouldn't matter much if I put in one hour or even one day less of studies. Since I can't save it anymore, why bother? Blogging's so much more fun...

Honestly speaking, if (b) was what you thought of me, then you're pretty much correct. The past one month was a challenge in so many ways that I cannot even begin to find a way to describe it properly in the context of a blog. And I say challenge because I was pushed out of my comfort zones, far out into what you would probably call the 'I'm totally lost and have no idea what to do' zone. I was broken along the way, and even now I continue to struggle with very personal issues, like ************ and ******** ** *** (You can only see it if you close one eye, hold up two fingers and try to read the stars through the two fingers).

In the midst of the confusion and fear though, I did realize that whatever I had been going through, and am still facing; would undoubtedly mould me into a better person someday. I've come to accept that no one can stay the same forever and that change is inevitable. When the storm strikes, what would you do? When the rain falls, where do you run? At this point, I understand that while no one likes to change, or to be changed for that matter; you would only grow as a person by changing your ways. I could say that I've been stunted for a while, so it's kinda painful to be 'growing' again.

Having thought about it more, I'm starting to relish having been put through so many things this year though. I'm actually somewhat excited, deep in my heart, because it seemed like God had cleared the mist that had shrouded my path for quite some time now. I moved on from the previous checkpoint where I stayed for very long, through the treacherous and narrow road littered with loose rocks and sharp stones here and there. I've not reached the next checkpoint yet, but I'm eager to keep moving forward. I am.

I'm starting to kick into exam gear now (a tad bit late, I know), so I pray that in the next four weeks left, I would be able to not only put some genuine effort into my STPM, but also get nearer to that elusive next checkpoint. Onward!

I do like to thank someone though, whose one phone call had made a whole lot of difference to me. I was saved from certain doom (yeap, doom), and the timing couldn't have had been more precise. God's timing, I was sure. But thank you so much, ****** for taking the trouble to call me..

Will I ever change my ways?
Good intentions never saved the man...
Is this all that life is meant to be, surely there's more.
If I don't go where my destiny's calling me,
obviously I'll never know~ Juwita Suwito - Destiny's Calling