No Time

Getting off the awfully long study break that I had for the first six months of the year and entering into university course certainly proved to be a tad bit difficult to adjust to. A tad bit.

No more waking up to the afternoon sun, waking up from the wastage of the previous day and waking up to yet another day that would be spent doing pretty much the same things as before. So yes, I've 're-assimilated' into the general population and now join the masses chanting the popular modern-day saying of 'No Time lah!'.

The thing is, the right priorities are always the hardest to fulfill, so for me I mostly have a really screwed up priority list that puts the wrong things at the top, and the right things at the bottom. While the momentary gratifications are wonderful, the end-results of putting my time where I shouldn't and vice-versa have never failed to come back and bite me in the eyes. The pattern is normally as follows:

1. Decision to make --> 2. Decision made (mostly the wrong one) ---> 3. Time is wasted ---> 4. Possible scenarios of either a) work gets left out b) relationships take a dive ----> 5. Feelings of regret and guilt ----> 6. Strive to do better ----> 7. Rinse, wash and repeat.

I realise I've been feeling like there's 'no time' very often lately. Get an assignment, aiyo, no time lah. Go out for something, aiyo, no time lah. This one..no time lah. That one maybe..aiya, no time lah. To me, this is just plain mind-bending.

"Where did it all go? I'm sure I had a lot of time to begin with, so how come I've all but run out now?"

My time here could be up even as I'm typing, so it really hurts me to have to come to grips with the fact that I'm just really terrible with managing my time and my priorities. Why can't I do better?

I don't like to wind up complaining about something all the time here on my blog, I don't want to end up always looking for pity from other people, from you guys. But at the same time I want to take note of the different things taking place as my days pass by and I live through them, be they inspiring or regrettable.

Also, I don't think I could even bother to think about all these things, if not for some of the things that some of you had said or done. I suppose the fact that I'm thinking about it means that all hope aren't lost yet.

Time.

"haihhhh so hard to juggle everything... family, friends, spiritual life, work, all"
-anonymous-