Off to Work

In about half-an-hour, I'd have to change, get ready and scoot over to my workplace.

Today I should be starting officially in my new official position doing official work with official menial tasks (read: boring) waiting for me even as we speak xD

Monday mornings are normally reserved for rantings and complaints about how your boss is lousier than you, how you are badly underpaid and overwork, how your workplace ranks at the top among 'World's Worst Workplaces' and that sort of stuff; and nobody wakes up after Sunday saying "Yes!! Work!!!!!". I'm saying this because the last two times I took on temporary working stints I found myself in such situations, and I believe the general sentiment among the working crowd shouldn't differ too much (unless you're one of the few who likes what you're doing for a living).

However, due to the nature of my current work and workplace, I have a pretty good feeling that I'm in for a lot more than I bargained for. It's gonna be tough in many ways, and I really do hope that I'd be able to do it right. It might seem like a very minor and unimportant job to some, but I see the many challenges that lie ahead of me and it would certainly take more than just determination alone to get me through. I'm curious and excited to see how things would go, but at the end of the day I just hope that I would grow in maturity, both mentally and spiritually...

A Bummer No More

"Yes, I have been bumming a lot. Yes, I have been going out a lot. Yes, I have been spending a lot. No, I don't want to bum anymore.." - K.Ken, modern day post-STPM student -

The last two months had been wonderfully squandered away doing things that I can't quite remember..For the most part there were the RBS reunions at various places. Then there was Chinese New Year. Then there was SPICES..and collecting my STPM results, which was followed by the short period of mourning that I wrote about but was later overcome and put behind me. Hmm, what else took place in the last two months anyway....

It's ironic how when you're studying you would wish upon the stars (the moon and every other constellation objects for that matter) for the holidays to come as quickly as possible, then when you've finally hit the end of the road and have nothing on your hands for the next few months, you begin to feel the rot and boredom creeping in. I suppose this is why some retirees choose to go back into the working field instead of enjoying the fruits of their labor in the comfort of their home, sitting on a massage chair or something like that.

I myself had had my fair share of bumming over the past two months and honestly it was all getting a little too mind-numbing for me. And with the start of college intakes for March, many of my fellow bummers have landed themselves a spot in a college or uni somewhere, and are now happily studying again, which left me even more desperate for something to fill my time with. Thus I jumped on a job opportunity and should officially be starting next week (started already yesterday but unofficially lah). What it is and where it is would all be revealed when I have enough blogging materials to put out a proper post, so stay tuned ;D

To all the new college students who have found their way into Sunway, Taylor's and other places, happy studying and remember to keep in touch with one another (and don't go clubbing so often, haha).

Oops

Okay okay, so I made a mistake earlier about the whole recording thing and needless to say it was quite embarassing (oops!) but many thanks to our cK for the prompt (frantic) alert. Thankfully, the situation was contained within one or two hours with minimal casualties (frontline victim: Simon Sim). I had almost wanted to ask all the other RBS-ers to come and get our recording of Stubborn Love..which I didn't, fortunately.

But that aside, I still liked the song very much, and it's not too hard to imagine that we were the ones singing in the recording (use lots of imagination lor). In fact, I got down to drawing a little something just to express how I feel about it. Before we go any further though, here are some quick facts:

-I started drawing in manga art-style when I was in Form..2 or 3
-I was influenced by Justin Lee Ju Wei
-I only practiced drawing girls, so until today I can ONLY draw girls (now now, don't jump to conclusions..), which isn't so bad since Justin only draws GUYS and there's always a chance that we could collaborate in the future, hahaha.
-I've improved by leaps and bounds since I first started, but I'm still lousy and my improvement/year ratio is horrible (meaning that I should have gone pro as a manga artist by now)
-I absolutely don't know how to colour with any medium whatsoever (poster paint, colour pencil, pastel crayons and all other known types of colouring materials)
-I so adore/detest Simon's natural talent of pencil-work (voted 'Most Valuable Artist' in Shirtliff's team, haha). More interestingly, I remember clearly until today the first day we met in church because he showed off his skills on a whiteboard :D
-I consider my artistic sense (or creativity, or spark, or inspiration or anything else that you'd label it as) to be pretty near to zero or sifar. Not that I have LSE (low self-esteem) or anything, but I can see that some people just have that..that 'oopmh' factor in them, that makes all the difference in any kind of 'arty' activities (no need to say who ler).

I'm still very bad at visualising emotions and feelings though, and often end up with something that doesn't convey much, if not the wrong things. I'd picture it in my head, then work hard to draw it out, only to end up with 'what the heck is this drawing about' a few hours later..but I decided to post one here anyway. Not because it's perfect, but because I spent so much time on this that I thought it should at least get some screen time on my blog :)

*ta-da!* I had something else in mind actually, but no matter ;D

Over Easter

Easter's over, and I suppose many of you in Klang Valley would've had gone for the Jamie Kidd event hosted by IBA and its affiliated churches. I don't know exactly how well the whole thing went, since I was about 400 kilometers away in Kuantan for the last 3 days but from what I heard the LORD had been making waves in many of the places that the Tony Anthony team had visited.

Everyone knows the Easter story in one way or another. Jesus came, suffered, died and rose again. To the ears of skeptical non-believers, this is all just a load of hot air and nonsensical 'no need to tell me that story again' religious publicity, but thank God for the people who saw things in a different light and made that bold step to walk out in faith.

I have been challenged again and again in terms of my faith, and where I'm placing it. I still find myself struggling with the fact that I'm not giving the Lord the honor, attention and respect that He deserves as Saviour, Redeemer and King. I fall, and as much as I feel like wanting to give up, the Lord reminds me that I am but human.

"What I want to do I do not do, what I hate I do", so laments Paul in Romans and yes, he was speaking absolute sense when he topped it off with "Oh! What a miserable person I am" (NLT). But the more I try to pull away into despair, the more I realise the awesome saving grace that the Lord had extended to me. So wretched, so lost. But saved nevertheless, and clothed in a flowing robe of undying love that covers all the guilt of sin and shame that I have wallowed myself in.

Spiritual struggles aside, here's something that most of you probably do not have in possession. When I posted K.T.'s version of Stubborn Love here a while back, many of you had managed to find the song elsewhere *ahem*download*ahem*. But THIS should grab your attention a little. Colin had generously sent to me the recording of our version of Stubborn Love after seeing that I didn't find a liking for the original singer's composition. But don't get me wrong here, I said our version, not our recording like it was previously understood xD (sorry Simon!!) It was converted into digital format from an old cassete though, so it doesn't sound much like a full-blown concert but it's pretty cool to hear 'us' (well, not us lah but doesn't hurt to imagine that it's us right, haha) singing again :D I even used my free time to come up with the cover for the imaginary 'RBS o8 Graduation' box-set DVD :P


Me being me, I took the song and tried to 'digitally remaster' it with whatever little audio knowledge I have and it didn't quite make any difference, save for less static and nicer bass tones xD Go, grab a copy of it now and relive the practice sessions that we had, haha.

Version A (scratchy, but smaller file size) - Grab It!

Version B (not so scratchy and nicer bass, but bigger file size and the quality is a bit poorer) - Grab It!!

Okie, finally doing the Tag thing..

Real name: Fong Kee Ken
Nickname: Erm..the first one that rings to mind is "Fei Chai" which was pretty frequently used when I was much younger..Kuantan friends call me "Fong" while in Subang I'm "Kee Ken". At home it's just "Ken", but so far no one has called me "Kee" yet xD
Married: n/a
Male/Female: Owh? I like female of course if that's what it means, haha :D
Short or long hair: Short is the way to go~
Are u a healthy freak: Now this is tricky. If 'health freak' then I know lah. But 'healthy freak' means that I'm a freak and I'm healthy? Freak in some sense, healthy in some sense, so it's a 'Yes' I suppose.
Height: 5ft 6/7 like that.
Do u have a crush on someone?: Jon's got the best answer lor. MAYBE xD
Do u like yourself: I'm good.
Piercings: No no, mostly for the reason that you're denying others a chance of taking your blood for transfusion..
Righty of lefty: Right!

First....

surgery: Don't remember having had one.
Piercing: Fell on top of some wire-fencing and pierced my arm.
Person u see in the morning: Mom :D
Award: Highest in MUET!
Sport u join: Never played much of anything, other than badminton and ping pong, and even then very slightly.
Pet: Had doggies and fishes before.
Vacation: Genting Highlands kua.
Concert: Hillsong or Planetshaker, at Sunway there I think. Brilliant in many ways..
First crush: Delicate question...someone in my old secondary school?

Currently...

Eating: Nothing at all.
Drinking: Water.
Im about to: Call up my friend to see if I can leec..I mean ask for a ride tomorrow :D

Your future...

Want kids: To cut it short, yea.
Want to get married: Well yea, since I'd like kids. Sperm donation and anonymous mothers won't cut it, heh :D
Careers in mind: Environmental saiyantist

Which is better?

Lips or eyes?: Cannot discriminate between body parts, since they have their specific functions
Hugs or kisses: Hugs, since you can't kiss your guy friends but can hug them (unless you're into the other end of the spectrum lah)
Shorter or taller?: Well, I know I would like to be taller.
Romantic or spontaneous: Both, I think.
Sensitive or loud: I really can't say for sure.
Troublemaker or hesitant?: Again, no idea.

Have u ever....

Kissed a stranger?: No wor.
Drank bubbles: No wor, Dettol got try lah but not bubbles.
lost glasses/contacts: Unfortunately, YES!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid spectacle thief took my favourite blue Levi's half-frame during my STPM..
Ran away frm home: I'm a homely person lah, can't help it.
liked someone younger: Yea...yeap.
liked someone older: Cannot ler, they just seem very different.
Broke someone's heart: Well yea, of course. But not the BGR kind la.
Been arrested: Nope!
Cried when someone died: I've not really had so many people whom I know pass away but the answer is no.
Liked a friend: How to like a stranger leh? Unless crush lah, which is different.

Do u believe in...

Yourself?: I know I can only do so much.
Miracles: Yes, yes and yes.
Heaven: Enough to say that it wouldn't cease to exist even if nobody believed in it.
Santa Claus: Not enough to say I do.
Magic: I do, but I mostly associate it with darker elements (like sorcery, because 'magic' is an overused term)
Angels: Yeah, but not in the 'guardian angel' sense lah.

Answer truthfully..

Is there someone u want to be with right now?: In a way, our Lord, because I want to 'sit' with him (like uncle steven says), and ask Him about all the things that I have in my mind, like the secrets of the universe and that kind of thing :) Don't get me wrong though, I'm in opinion of wanting to leave this plane of existence just yet.

Do u believe in God?: So many things that happened have made me wonder why God would ever bother with me, somebody so wretched and broken and eternally condemned if not for the work and grace of Christ Jesus. So...yes?

Okay, let's see...I'm gonna tag:

Jethro
Joanne
Elena
Ann Sue
Simon Sim! (update lah monkey xD)

And Now

Time for an update I suppose :D

So I finally got over the whole fiasco about my results. Many thanks to all of you who have either said something or did something at some point in time :)

Now I'm moving on to that troublesome phase of scholarship-hunting again. I did it for SPM and didn't quite like the fact that I had to photostat so many copies of seemingly unimportant documents (koku certs especially). This time around however, I found it pretty distressing that I no longer qualify for a good portion of the scholarships out there like I did previously. The standard requirement is 3.5 CGPA for STPM. Okay lah, so maybe they want quality. But it's kinda ridiculous that things are the other way round with SPM requirements. Credits and passes would suffice for many of them. So I found myself mostly overqualified in SPM but under qualified in my STPM.....nuts. I scratched my head asking why they would demand super-achievements in STPM whilst only wanting mediocre results in SPM, but in the end I that's the way things work I guess.

I've managed to narrow down my choice of courses and have even submitted my online application already, though I still have the chance to make amendments before the 24th. To be exact I only have 3 real choices that I seriously considered, but I filled in the extra 5 places with secondary options anyway to make full use of the 8 slots that they gave me. Initially I did have trouble trying to place my first 3 courses in order (they go by order you see, if they can't allocate the first choice for you then they'll have to look at your second one and so on so forth), because I had to choose between USM (penang), UPM and UKM (here). I wasn't sure actually which uni offered the better course, since I applied for environmental studies in all three. But the way I see it, it's kinda like how Uncle Kong Beng had put it during our CG meeting last week: of the many aspects that we weigh and consider when deciding on our career (satisfaction, money, practicality, making a difference in the world), what's more important is that we ask God where He would call us to be.

I decided to make that my guiding line, and so I am trusting Him to decide the fate of my uni application. I put the first 3 choices in the order I listed above, since Penang sounded like a good idea but ultimately God would decide which part of Malaysia would be the hunting ground for pursuing my degree. Of course, there's also the possibility that I don't get any of my first 3 choices, or any of them for that matter (hope and pray not ler) but I don't think I would be doing myself any good to worry and fret about that now :D

"So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own." - Matthew 6:31-34

To Think About It

The dust has finally settled, and by this time every single SPM and STPM soul would have retrieved their respective result slips. Some would be rejoicing in 'surprise', some would be satisfied and still some would be gripping their fists and wallowing in silent bitterness..

When I tore open the punch-holed sides of my piece of gray paper yesterday, I had very clear expectations in mind. 1A and 3Bs, I told myself. I was with my friend, and as he opened his one, he soon became ecstatic and people swooned to congratulate him for his achievement, a straight set of As. I was there, holding my results slip half-opened. It was kinda anti-climatic I suppose, since I was secretly hoping for the impossible, that I might get something closer to the top. Alas, I was greeted by my own expectations. Calculate calculate, my CGPA was 3.085. Just barely enough, for the course that I was eyeing. "Okay, that's great", I said to myself. "Now it's much easier for me to decide what I should be pursuing."

So we went for minum and laughed about it all. Upon getting home however, I just sat there with a somewhat blank mind. After a while, I realised that deep inside I was feeling really horrible, and another friend of mine felt the same way. I didn't do anything, save for printing the list of offered courses for local universities. Other than that, I just didn't know how to deal with that gut-wrenching feeling and the mind-numbing experience. So I plonked myself down on a chair and played some games to while away the time.

Only at night when the effects had worn off a little could I reflect a little bit more on the real issue. While I'm 'happy' in many ways of how things turned out (just like I asked for), the soul-sucking factor came from how I seem to have been wired into the straight-As mould. I passed UPSR, PMR and SPM with more or less the best results that I could've obtained and with that I carried along the notion of just succeeding all the way. I suppose you can say that I don't know what it feels like to not obtain perfect or near-perfect results for major examinations. Sorta like not having 'lost' a battle before. I've never thought of it this way, that the deepest part of my conscience cannot live with not having aced my STPM. It was mentally-draining, but on the good side I believe that this was a serious issue which I had never noticed all along and if I had taken it further (imagine failing at uni) it would've been too overwhelming for my fragile inner-self to bear.

At least, this is roughly what I gleaned from probing my own thoughts from since yesterday. And I just wanna say thanks to NeoHusky and Simmy who took the time to come out for yamcha at night. Really helped to cheer me up. Especially since today is a normal working day..thanks guys!

Now to go through that long list of courses...

The Result

I don't feel like writing about it now..see how lah later :/

To Encourage

An excerpt from Philippians:

I thank God everytime I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (v3-6)
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness, that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God. (v9-11)

Ever so often I find myself in need of some encouragement to get me going in the right path and to remind me of the more important things in life. I've always considered myself more a listener than a talker, so I hardly know how to dispense words of encouragement to myself even, much less to other people. But God never fails to show me that He is always there to look after my needs, and it always amazes me how little things that brighten up my day could all be part of God's bigger purpose in trying to get a point across to me. If anyone knows how to say something without actually saying it, it's got to be God ;D

I vaguely remember that we were asked to write letters to ourselves while in HCC. I can't quite recall what I wrote, and in fact I had actually forgotten about the whole matter if not for a letter that turned up in my mailbox this morning. I wasn't very eager to read it so I left it aside until late in the evening when I finally decided to see just what I had wanted myself to read one month down the road.

But surprise surprise :D


I for one do not own any sort of purple-colour ink pen, and my handwriting was certainly much bigger. And I wouldn't have addressed myself as...the..way I was addressed in the letter *ahem* :) The contents really amused me, but more than that I was deeply encouraged by what the author penned down on a simple piece of foolscap paper. Even the opening was taken from Paul, fuh :D Thank you to 'you' out there who had finally decided to get off your lazy bum, haha. I'm sure that all the others who received it would be equally as delighted and grateful as well, if not overjoyed and grinning from ear to ear. And oh, right-handed people open their letters from the right hand side, if you didn't realize.

In the letter, the topic of STPM was brought up, and the timing was impeccable, seeing that the results would be out in a little less than 4 hours. Gosh. Sure is nice to know that someone who's facing the same thing (albeit a day later) can take the trouble to comfort others instead. Interestingly, about an hour later my ex-youth advisor (aunty collene) called me up to let me know that she would be remembering me in her prayer. These are gestures that really tug at my heart, and indeed I cannot thank God enough for placing such kind and caring souls in my midst..

Speaking of which, I would try my best to post my results out as early as possible. Of course, that depends on whether I would faint and need to be admitted to the General Hospital or not... xD

Saturday

With about an hour left until the election results are fully out, I figured that now's the time to do some updating..

On thursday, I woke up super-early to attend my second class on driving theory at Damansara. My instructor picked me up and he drove pretty fast that day. Just when we were roughly 100 meters away from the driving school, he suddenly realised that the brakes weren't really working. Now I don't know about you guys but I think malfunctioning brakes ought to warrant some degree of panicking..we weren't going very fast thankfully but it wasn't long before even the acceleration pedal seemed to have joined the brakes. *floors the pedal, engine vrooms but car can't move* When we got down to see what was wrong, the left wheel in the front was kinda popped aside, which explained why the car suddenly stopped moving. My morning exercise that day was car-pushing and it was excruciatingly difficult because of the mis-aligned wheel. But the interesting bit was that the car broke down right after we came out of the busy highway into the smaller roads around the housing area with much fewer cars, which meant that we were really really lucky. I take it that it was a blessing, because to have a car break down in the middle of a highway would've been suicide. So yeah, thank you LORD!

Even more surprising was who turned up there also. I was expecting a very boring day (3 hours lecture + 3 hours practical lessons) but when a white van loaded with other students pulled over in front of me, I could immediately recognise the two familiar faces in it:

Don't ask me why they came together xD

Well, at least we had the chance to do a little catching up over a cup of tea at the mamak there. Rachel's doing Mechatronics (to my surprise) at UTAR I think, while Jon's gonna move to Nottingham and pursue Finance. Kinda wish I could tell them where I was planning to go but alas, I could only come up with a vague answer about considering Environmental Science..

You can clearly see that the three hours of 'car talk' had taken its toll on us..

But moving on to the next day, I took up Simon's offer for real this time (I was genuinely interested the last time, Simon :D) to take a trip all the way to the ends of the earth to help out for an afternoon in SPICES. In case you don't already know what it's all about, just check out the quote from Simon Sim below:

"No, it's not a restaurant as I initially thought. It's a centre run by some really great, commited people of Emmanuel EFC, down in the heart of Wangsa Maju, I do believe it stands for Support Parents, Infants and Children through Early Services (right, Sue Ann?). It's a centre that teaches children with learning disabilities, like autism and Down syndrome. It sort of helps these kids with all sorts of basic skills, like reading, writing, coordination and morals. Something truly very admirable."

And in case you don't know what autism really means too, here's a quote from Wikipedia:

"Autism is a brain development disorder that impairs social interaction and communication, and causes restricted and repetitive behavior, all starting before a child is three years old."

I went over to Simon's house at 10.45 and we left at about 11.30 from the KTM in Subang.

We took a train to Sentral, and then hopped to LRT and stopped at Wangsa Maju, and clutching a map that Ann Sue gave us we walked for some distance.

Apparently Ann Sue's face was plastered outside as 'Dilarang benarkan pelajar ini masuk'. Hmm, wonder what she did here...haha.

SPICES is pretty well tinted (for privacy) and you could easily mistake it for an illegal arcade centre of some sort when they have the locks on outside..

Much to my chagrin, we DIDN'T get lost or anything, and even arrived half an hour earlier. So we bummed at a nearby mamak instead, which is really near Ann Sue's church like she always says.

If you had not had the chance to see autistic or Down Syndrome kids up close and interact with them before, you could forgiven for thinking that they either bite people's ears or poop and pee all over the place, not unlike old people who had gone senile. The media hardly shows these kids for who they really are, and I think they often wrongly paint a picture of suffering parents and dirty houses. But having spent the whole afternoon observing them (and occasionally helping out), I found them to be pretty much who and what they are: kids. Okay, so one of them was cock-eyed. One was hyperactive. One kept crying for no reason. One seemed to live in Dreamland and hummed all the time. Not 'normal' in most sense of the word, but they were kids just the same. It's not something that you can easily describe but I think if you were there that day with me and Simon you would definitely be amused by these chirpy kids and their funny antics.

Because autism can manifest in degrees and various forms of disorder, teaching them requires special one-on-one attention in most cases and this means that it is more difficult to teach three autistic children than it is teaching an entire class of blind or deaf or mute kids. Special schools like SPICES are quite rare, and few would do it for money. It's a labour of love for the most part, and it's sad that there's obviously not enough love going around, if what the supervisor at SPICES said were to be taken seriously: "We've got a long waiting list actually..."

While we didn't really do much there, we tried our best to learn whatever we could about dealing with autistic children from observing how the teachers taught the lessons. We didn't become teachers overnight but I believe the experience alone was worth the long journey there, which isn't really that long when you have someone to accompany you. Right, Simon?

On the way back we stopped at Sentral because Simon was busted from his hunger and we decided to grab something at Sentral's McD. Some pretty funny moments ensued (which I feel should just be left between ourselves) but in the end we managed to get our hands on Fish Fillets.

It's great that they had just only reduced the price to RM4.

After wolfing it down we got our buttocks back to Subang Jaya's KTM station and my dad picked us up. In his cab. And unfortunately for Simon my dad had to ferry four or five of his regular customers around before he could Simon back home. Simon ended up going straight to caregroup/cellgroup and had to forego his dinner. Sorry Sim! :(

Meanwhile, I treated myself to a nice supper to celebrate the wonderful day that went by:

What's better than wantan mee? Fried-wantan mee with kari ayam, that's what (^.^)

Thank you LORD for the journey mercies and the great fun that we had that day, and not to mention the chance to spend time with the kids at SPICES, who touched and blessed each of us in their unique ways.

Robot Chicken

They say too much of a good thing is not quite a good thing. Or..something along those lines I suppose.

Today I had wanted to type out my resume/curriculum vitae/whatever it's called so that I could get it verified at school a few days later, and not to mention get some 'serious' work done. Not that any of that took place of course..

Behold: ROBOT CHICKEN!

If you're ever into the whole claymation/stop-animation/weird-moving-talking-toys kind of show, you're bound to love this American series called Robot Chicken.

RIGHT.....

I was brave enough to give Season 2 a try and having watched a total of 10+ episodes in one go (they're not too long), I must say that Robot Chicken is only good in teeny-bitty-eensy-weensy fun-size (sorry Elena xD) portions and nothing more. It was a lot of crass humor, and involves mostly nonsensical jokes like (WARNING, RETARDED HUMOR BELOW):

Son Goku describing the terror of the Nutcracker..

Scissors, paper, ROCK *auff*

The sorting hat is used to see who is still a.. go figure.

"Oh my *****! Why would anyone do this to my *****!!" Bah...

I'm sure today would've been much better spent volunteering at SPICES or something..still, I hope I get to go there this Friday, and stay off the mind-mushing stuff like Robot Chicken. I believe you can find some videos on YouTube, but you'd be better off doing just about anything else xD

Beginning of March

As usual, I'm caught by surprise as to how quickly time passes me by just when I least expect it. The period of Dec 26 till Jan 31 was unbelievably long for me for more reasons than one (the cold air was probably one of them) but looking at the date now more or less the same amount of days had come and gone and I could really imagine that it was only yesterday that I came back home from graduation night at PJGH...(don't mind me if I had said it before ya). I just don't feel like the past month had been the best of times..

But that said, I know that it's gonna be a rough ride for me this year. So many things to accomplish, but so little motivation to get me going. I suppose it could be a side effect of having studied in kebangsaan schools: I can't really seem to handle stress all that well. Admittedly I have a pretty low level of tolerance for work of any kind and always need to 'relax' in one way or another. Of course, it doesn't take a sage to tell that I'd either make a successful Internet billioinaire or an utterly horrible 9 to 5 office boy..and the odds favor the latter unfortunately xD

The results are gonna be out soon, and then there would be the mad scramble for scholarships and that kind of thing. I'm not so intrigued however by whether I'd make it into uni, but rather what it would feel like to take some time off to go into mission or church work full-time..the Footstool Players needed more help the last time I heard and Simon and I would jump at the chance to be on the team actually, if not for the long commitment needed and the timing: September. If Simon had his way, he would've postponed his tertiary education till October I'm sure (right sim? ;D). Sabrina's more or less the youngest full-time church worker that I know of right now so I'm pretty interested honestly to know what it's like to forgo the conventional 'school-diploma-degree-job- model so early in life and work for God instead.

Earlier during RBS, I had lamented in my journal that I should be 'living out my faith to the fullest'. I had this impression, you see, that we should all take the likes of missionary giants like Jim Elliot and George Mueller as a yardstick in the way we live. Which more or less means the 'selling everything and give to the poor' kind of reckless abandon that puts everything at stake. I was troubled the whole day, to say the least and I wrote close to 4 pages of ranting and self-reasoning in my journal. Thankfully, I had to submit it to Eu Bing that day for comments and I picked up a lot from the two sticky-notes that he wrote on. In one part he wrote:-

"...if all of us were to then live this 'full faith' by becoming like Jim Elliot, then who would become senders? We all have our roles to play due to God's calling to us, based on our circumstances and where He has placed us. Just as the jungles and dangerous tribes pose their threats and troubles, so does the mission in other places where God has placed you to be : schools, work, places, friends and yes, even the little things like shopping complexes etc. All these places require you to still live out your faith to the fullest, regardless of where you are."

It is moments like these that make me realise how much God had been trying to reach out to me through the people around me and also the circumstances that cropped up (me mission team leader? oh my goodness...) along the way. The journal proved to be a valuable treasure trove of memories, experience and also sound advice from someone a lil' older than me who has gone through much more both in life and in faith.


Ah, so much for an update. I've got more stuff to write on actually but don't have the materials yet. Maybe in a day or two lah :)